A few months ago I had an experience that God used to begin the process of breaking my pride. I was rocked to my core. I've been going through the process of learning what it really is to surrender to God. EVERYTHING. Walking by the Spirit in every circumstance has always eluded me. In fact walking by the Spirit in just one circumstance has eluded me. Just how exactly do I give up the control, that I think I have, and let God do His thing through me?
I consider myself a brave person. But as I've walked through this breaking, I've discovered that I'm terrified. The worst part of this terror is that the cause of my fear is that I don't really trust God. That's not an easy revelation to swallow. Now, I know a lot about God and truly believe what I know. So then, why don't I trust Him? God is showing me that my lack of trust is because I don't understand WHO I AM. What I mean is, I don't know who God says I am.
Another thing that I'm learning is that it's one thing to be given love and quite another to receive that love. For what ever reason, I don't receive love from God or others. Without receiving it, I have nothing to love others with in return. I know that Salvation is a free gift and that I must choose to receive it, but it never occurred to me that all of the wonderful things that God gives me through salvation also have to be received to be used. I have to choose to believe what God says about me and walk in those gifts. I have to take them for my own. They are always there and always true about me. But, I have to let go of my flesh/control and let God do His thing through me.
How do you do that? Well, I'm still trying to learn how to do it. But I think that's the point. We don't DO it. We stop doing and start letting God do it. Easier said than done.
I'm amazed that surrendering to God is so closely tied to trust and that trust is tied to who God is and who I am.
I'll try to keep posting what I'm learning, and hopefully my journey of faith will encourage you in yours.
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